Ep 12: Michal's Last Words To The World

My prayer through many tragedies has been, Lord, keep my heart, my children's hearts, Curtis's heart, soft towards you and to others. I've also encouraged my children to run to the pain and run to the heart, because that's where God will meet you and show himself strong and real to you and bring healing like only He can. Don't cover it, don't run away from it, but feel it and let God do its work in you. And then, the next time that you have a friend who's going through the hard, you can run to it with them and help them heal in the pain. And I think that's what some of this is all about. Jesus didn't run from the pain, He ran to it for us for great love. He said not my will but your will be done Lord I think he's a perfect example and I think that's what life is all about great love and great pain the love of the Father covering it all He said he goes to prepare a place for us with no more sickness no more sadness no more death. Lord willing, I'll be there very soon and I cannot wait to meet my Savior. So this is not goodbye, this is just see you there. This is not a sadness for anyone that is a child of God, but the hope of a homecoming that has been long awaited. And if you don't know this precious Savior, please run to Him in your pain and find healing and hope and redemption because he's the only one who can, and that's why he came. I love you all. Welcome to the Run to the Heart podcast where we're here to remind you that God doesn't promise us a life free from suffering, but he always brings healing and restoration on the other end. Our goal is to inspire you to face life's trials with courage and trust in God's plan. And oh yeah, run to the heart that God allows. Welcome back to the Run to the Heart podcast, everybody. What you just heard was an excerpt of Michael's last words. we're going to break apart where these thoughts came from. We're going to talk it through and really just highlight the power that was in everything she said. So Curtis, as we get started with this episode, you know, not many people leave last words to the world. And so I'd love for you to just kind of take us through you being at the hospital and how this even all came about? I recorded her last words literally on Friday before we were gonna turn the machines off the next morning. And I think the whole thing was spirit led. I'll be honest with you. I remember it was like six o'clock Friday and I don't know why we were alone in the room, but for some reason she was resting and and everybody was out in the waiting room and it was just her and I and I literally was laying my head on her lap and she was just kind of resting I mean we have said we have said so many things had so many conversations But then this thought came to me like man Hey, babe, do you think there's anything you'd like to tell the rest of the world? And in her exhaustion, like she's just head back, eyes closed, you know, she's just wiped out. It took her a second and she responded and said, you know what? I think so. So I think it was two parts. One, I think God prompted me to ask. Second, when you read these words, like they're so spirit-led like it's it's supernatural it's the things that she said or were amazing and um the crazy thing is I don't remember a word she said I remember turning my phone on and hitting the stop and start stop and start stop and start because she would run out of breath or she would say I need a minute her voice was you know getting weaker and weaker and so those were rough recordings so I So I don't remember anything she said and it wasn't till weeks later that I finally asked my office girl if she would transpose these and I couldn't even listen to them like I couldn't Turn my phone on and listen to them, but once she put it in Text that I could read. I just remember being so overwhelmed like whoo You know who says these things? And so, you know, a year and eight or nine months later, I'm still gleaming and pulling information from this document that has taken this long for me to even digest of somebody's last words to the world before they pass away. At the top of what Michael said in her last words was, my prayer through many tragedies has been Lord keep my heart, my children's hearts, Curtis's heart, soft towards you and to others. And in her saying that Curtis, something that's highlighted for me is that in an excerpt above what she said in her entire letter, which we're certainly going to share with our listeners, she talks about the first time that she was in the MRI machine, just weeks before she had passed, and the thoughts that were going through her head. And what's so interesting to me about this is she talks about how tears are streaming down her face and how she was in a place where she was so sad thinking about leaving her kids behind and thinking about leaving you behind. And she prayed and she asked God if he would give her a joy with an eternal perspective. And so when it comes to joy and sadness and how they conflict with each other, sure, I think my question to you as we pull apart Michael's words here is, which one of those is winning for you? Wow go for the juggler hunt first question I'm sorry man. Oh I think it's a teeter-totter I think it's what she was experiencing I think it's this you know if joy for us is just a an emotion I think there's gonna be a lot of joyless days, you know what I mean? I think joy has to be a choice. I think joy has to be a mental decision. I think joy is looking at what has been. We've talked about the faithfulness of God multiple times and I think it's sometimes you have to look back at where you've been and what you've been through and what God has provided and there's joy in that. So can you have joy in the middle of pain? I think you can I think I think it's a choice I Think it's work. I think you have to work at it. I don't think it's just something you wake up And you're just like joyful. I mean there are some people Michael was this incredible optimist where? She really she really was now when she was sleep-deprived and not in a good mood And you know kids were driving her nuts. Yeah, that was a different Michael She could be unjoyful in a heartbeat, but overall her personality was very much optimistic and joyful and and Saw the positive and the good In a lot of situations, it's just how she was wired. So it was fun to watch but it was also challenging and so Super powerful stuff but you asked the question you know where am I at in the middle of that and it's a tug of war. It's a I want to find joy in the middle of pain but it's every day I have to find joy in a and a kid and one of the children. I have to find joy in a friend. I have to find joy in the word. I have to find joy in my prayer. I have to work at it. It is a, it's almost like a job. I don't know how else to describe it, but it's a good question. It's a good question. So what's so biblical. You know, you go to Acts and you talk about Stephen. And it's interesting because when you read the scripture in Acts on Stephen, Stephen is getting stoned and he cries out to God. And he's like, Lord, give me eternal eyes. You know what I mean? Like, show me heaven. And God gave him a vision of the Father and Jesus on the throne. And it's so on par with Michael being in a place where she knows her organs are shutting down and all of these things are going to take place and there's a harsh reality in front of her. And she cries out to God. Yeah. Cried out to God and she's like, Lord, take this sadness and turn it to joy. And so we all know from listening to prior episodes that that joy carried on, man. I mean, so talk to us about how the Lord answered that prayer and how Michael handled these last few weeks with joy. So I remember her coming out of the MRI because I was in the waiting room and she told me she was like, oh man, I don't know what that person in there thought but I was sobbing and crying and I'm supposed to be being still and there's tears running down my eyes and I know there's a camera above my head and so that was kind of, you know, we were joking and talking about that but then she in pain. And I remember shutting her down. I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to know about that. We're in the fight for our lives. I remember I was in coach mode. We're fighting this. You're going to survive. I was saying things like, babe, I don't care what the timeline, but we need you know we got 10 years for Wesley to even grow up like I had these numbers in my head like like we got a fight we got to survive we got to make this happen so when she started telling me that story I'll be honest with you I was like I don't hear it like no we're in fight mode we got it we got to survive this we have to make it so Those thoughts haven't really sunk in till now because right up until the moment that she passed, I'm still in coach mode. How do we survive? What's God going to do? What's next? You know what I mean? but I certainly wasn't fully engaged in the joy and the preparation for heaven. I think I've been able to experience that after more than the present. The present was just, it was hard and you know, shoof. So, I'm taking it all in now and processing it and realizing what a gift that she left us with. Does that make sense? Absolutely. And speaking of that gift, you know, when she says, Lord, my children's hearts, Curtis's heart, soft towards you and to others. I mean, did... There's so many people that pass away bitter. There's so many people that leave that bitterness behind to their family. And the fact that that was one of her dying wishes. I mean, how has that, how has that transformed you in processing this grief? It comes back to knowing who Michael was, and again, I'm still learning lessons from her. If you just take that one sentence and just break it down, she was so connective. You couldn't be her friend unless you allowed her to go deep with you and to know the intimate, you know, the intimate, darkest, hardest things you've ever been through. So just take that piece of the puzzle by itself. So you couldn't be friends with her unless you were really connected to her. And so if you're really connected to somebody, you know pain, you know hard, you know things that they've been through. So this was a woman who knew hard things about people and who had also seen people become bitter from it, who had been angry at God for it, who had not done it well. And so now when I read this and I'm like, okay, that makes sense why she could pray that and ask that and say that because she's like, I know that this is not normally how it goes in people's life, that there's bitterness that comes out of it, there's anger that comes out of it, there's resentment even towards God. And so, yeah, when you read it the first time, there's so much good in this, but when you read it the first time, you almost can gloss over it and not realize the depth of what that statement meant. It had to do with the fact that she had history with people who had experienced bitterness and experienced anger and heart and so I get it now. I get it now. Which has also helped me. It's challenged me and helped me. Like my wife's last wish was that I would stay soft and tender towards God. Amen. Yeah, that's so powerful. And you know if I can ask, is that consistent with how the kids are feeling? I think so, so far. You know, she left them knowing, left them with the knowledge of where she was going and where they needed to be in their lives and in their walk. And so it sure helped. I think it sure helped the process doesn't mean they don't struggle doesn't mean this doesn't stink for them Yeah, but um, yeah, I think they're as they grow up and get older. I think they're gonna have more questions I do and we just have to remind them Who mom was who the Lord is and what all transpired whether they get it all now or not. You know what I mean? Yeah so or not, you know what I mean? Yeah. So, run to the hard in and of itself is something that obviously we've built this show around. Is this something that, is this a concept that populated with that actual verbiage in the hospital? Or is this something that she had always said before? Always said. So it's interesting you ask that because I thought about when was the first time I ever heard run to the hard and it goes way back. I mean even to vetting days, you know, she would ask me things like, you know, have you ever gone really, really deep with somebody? You know, because she used the word connective, deep, hard. I mean those were pretty normal words that she used and so in those conversations there would be running to the hard or running into somebody's hard, things like statement that I put on her gravestone, she said in the hospital one day, and it was just, I mean, my brain exploded. She actually said the words, run to the hard, run to the hurt, for it's in the greatest hard that God wants to do His greatest work. And I remember sitting there going, and I was writing it down as fast as I could like I'd heard the mantra of running into people's hard the whole time I knew her but that statement just was so powerful and then a day or two later she does this recording and in literally lays out the foundation of what run to the hard means and just again we're still processing and reading this and dissecting it but um pretty powerful moments yeah yeah man that's that's well I remember the first time you and I sat down and we're like you know what we have so so many things around through our head we're just gonna record we're gonna take massive action and we did that initial episode and I remember you saying that at the end. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, go back, say that again. Because like you said, man, I mean, what a spirit led statement to say like run to the hard, run to the hurt, where it's in the greatest heart that God's going to do the greatest work. And no one says that unless they have evidence that God has done that. Yes. Right. So, so talk to me about, talk to me about, you know, maybe one of the greatest examples that led Michael to even say something like that before even she got sick. Like run to the hard, run to the hurt for it's in the greatest hard that God's going to do the greatest work. God's going to do the greatest work. Yes, that's, that's the key. Yeah, we've recorded an episode about losing Ronnie, her son, and that was by far where she learned that personally, that for her to be able to help anybody else in their grief, she had to run into her deepest, darkest, hardest moment. And God was faithful. He met her there. God did an amazing work in her life in that moment. And so for her, it was experiential. She was like, I did it. Like I took the hardest thing I've ever been through and I dove into it headlong and God met me there. And I think, I think it so inspired her and fired her up that she wanted everybody to experience that moment. I really do. If you just knew her and knew how she spoke and how she connected and communicated, I think, I think God did such an amazing work in her life during that period that she knew everybody goes through hard, we all do, we go through hard stuff. And she's like, wait a minute, I'm telling you, I remember conversations early on that they didn't mean anything to me. When she would say, hey, have you been able to go really deep into somebody else's pain? I'm like, what does that even mean? You know, do you cry? Do you feel people, you know, this is, we talk about, you know, emotional stuff and whatnot, girls and guys and how we're all wired differently. But she would ask those questions. Have you really ever felt somebody's pain before? And those, that was so foreign to me. all of these pieces of the puzzle together since she's gone about early conversations and then time in the hospital and then these writings I mean I it's like the light bulb is going off like she was trying to teach me this from the from the beginning and it was so foreign to me that I just there was like a block I couldn't it wasn't penetrating until I had dove into my own heart and pain and said, God, what are you going to do with this? And then what we're doing here, I think you and I have grown. In a lot of ways, spiritually, emotionally, I think mentally, we're figuring things out that we didn't know before and we're breathing it out publicly and people are seeing the light bulbs go off right in front of them, like there's things that we're learning just doing this podcast. And so, you know, these last words are Michael saying, folks, don't miss this. Like don't miss this step. So good. That's so good. It is, it is honestly beyond powerful because we could almost unpack that entire statement for the rest of the episode because, you know, I think about like God will do his greatest work in the hard things that he allows in our lives. And I think about all the things people could be going through, to name a few. It's like sexual assault, divorce, losing a child. All of these awful, awful, awful things that we more or less find our identity in, you know, and God allows this great pain in our lives. But Curtis, there's a reality and that is your wife said this because again, she had evidence that God had done these things. But also, is it not true that she had to run to the hard things for God to do those great things? things and so for that reason I know that there are people listening who have always run away from it and not run to the hard things in life. And so what would you say to somebody who who could honestly be like that's me like that's that's literally me everything hard that comes my way I'm actually incapable of being out of my comfort zone because I'm constantly allowing the part of my brain to take over that's in fear. Like I won't run to the hard things in life in relationships and have the uncomfortable conversations. I won't tie to the church because I'm worried that I don't have enough money. I won't build a stronger relationship with the person who's dying because I have to detach from them, and we'll cover some of that later. But yeah, I mean, there's a lot there, man, but help me. Well, you and I had talked on an episode the other day and I made a statement. I actually surprised myself. I have to remember we were talking about Bible characters and Joseph, how many hard things that God allow him to go through, Moses, David. David and I made the statement I said It seems like the harder the things God allows us to go through and the more that we Take hold of them Joseph always came out positive always took the hard thing and and gave it to God and did something amazing with it the most it Seems like the Bible characters who had the hardest things God gave them the biggest tasks. Amen. Amen. Amen. And it's almost like the hard things that God allows in our lives, it's like, it's almost like He builds this threshold for pain tolerance. Right. So think of it this way, because you and I are trying to push people to dive into their heart and to You know, to find God there, it's so unnatural. Most of us run from the stuff. Most of us bury it. Most of us find something to do. You know, when I was younger, I was such a workaholic. And I didn't know, I mean, I've always been that way, just always stuff to do, always tasks to do. And I loved working hard. I loved doing stuff but it's it's as I've gotten older and and Michael teaching me that most of those years when I look back and really dissect my life man I was running from hard things I buried it in work and made the excuse and I'm a workaholic and I just love to do this and I love to go to bed tired and love to build things and dream things and do that and there's nothing wrong with any of that stuff. But as I go back and dissect my life and look back, I was running from hard things. I couldn't deal with them. I didn't know, and to be honest with you, they weren't necessarily things I could fix, which was also a struggle because I'm a fixer. You know, if there's something broke, let me fix it. And so I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't know. Anyways, so you're asking me to talk to the person who runs from this stuff. I'm talking to the majority. We all run from something. And so until you are presented with truth like this, I think all of us come to this crossroads of, are we gonna take a hard look at ourselves. You just mentioned earlier that you're having an accountability person. What a great idea. I think all men, women, especially men, I think we should all have accountability partners. I mean real hard. Here's what I need help with. Here's what I need to ask you. Here's what we're going to document, whether it's personal struggles, whether it's goals, whatever it is. This is no different than you saying I want a personal accountability person. It's the same fork in the road. Am I going to dive into this stuff or am I going to continue to do what I've always done and avoid it and just fill my life with anything else that's not hard and keep going? I hope we're punching people in the face with this truth and saying, who are you and which path are you going to take? Here's what I go to bed thinking, man, you're getting me all stirred up. As you get older, you start to think of things like, am I done? Do I have any more fuel in the tank? God, do you have something more for me? Or have I done everything that I'm supposed to do? And I wake up every day with this question of how many more years do I have left Lord? Which is very minimal now at 55. I mean, come on. Do the math. Average age 78. I mean good years left. God and I had a conversation a few years ago. And I said, and I really believe the Lord gave me this number. And this is not a death sentence or anything like that. But I was 50 years old and God said, you got 20 more good years. It was a God moment. You got 20 more good years. And I remember thinking, man, what am I going to do with those 20 years? Because you know, who knows? Health, whatever. Again, I don't believe that was a death sentence at all. I just believe God was like, I'll give you 20 good years, man. What are you going to do? Guess what? That's five years ago. And I'm like, 15 more years. What am I going to do with it? Am I going to keep just running from the hard things and filling my day in my life with just stuff Are we gonna man dive into people's heart? Amen The conversation with a friend just last night Gone through a terrible hard divorce and He said hey And he said, hey, he said two things. He said, hey, I made a list. You know, we've talked about that list so many times on these episodes. He said, I made a list. You know, he's like, I wanna get remarried, but man, there's some things on there that are really important to me. And I said, man, stick to the list. So I went to bed last night. I was reminded that what we're doing is working. You know, there's people paying attention and They're going through hard stuff and this was a this was a hard thing that they're going through and and then That's somebody the other day and said and I introduced myself because I didn't know them And they said I know you I said really They said yeah, we I've been listening to your podcast. I was like what she's like. Yeah, I'm in the middle of some really tough stuff Well this friend had passed this on to this person that I don't even know and so you know I guess I'm saying to you be encouraged because Yeah People are listening Yeah Yeah, well the reason people are listening man, I think is because We're taking a topic that everybody has to go through in some form or fashion in their life There's literally no way to deny it, but the reason and we've talked about this a few times the reason this is not a viral topic Is because people run from it. They don't want to talk about their death They don't want to talk about the death of those they love they don't want it. They don't want that. What's interesting is the people that I've talked to me before we started this, when I was like, hey, what are some things around grief you're interested in? It was people who wanted to help people who were grieving and didn't want to say the dumb thing. That was the clincher. But let's examine why. I don't want to say the dumb thing because I need to make sure that I'm like, you know, not hurting them, but I'm also not making a fool of myself. Sure. Like, if it's just being real. Yeah, I know. So, so, but I do want to camp out on this for a hot second more, man, because we talk about the hard things and we talk about you, you mentioned you only have so much time. And, oh, every season of our lives, I think God calls us to hard. And I've always felt like, you know, I'm only 34, but at some point in my life, I feel like God will just tell me to write a book on how every Christian should be aggressive in some form or fashion. And I think what's perfect about that is every Christian should run to the hard, i.e. you're in a season where you don't have kids yet. Right? There's so many hard things to run to, right? Like really, truly investing in your relationship and pulling yourself away from distractions and making as much money as you can before your kids get here. You know what I mean? There's a season of imbalance of like, how can I really set my family up, right? You begin to have the thoughts of like, I'm gonna have kids and you're just like, oh, I'm just gonna have one kid, right? Okay, you're worried that once you have the one kid and they've dominated your life, the hard is to have another. And so, you know, me and John have five and a six on the way and we have conversations with people all the time and they're like, oh no, I was done at two, why? Because it's hard. It's hard, man. But the Lord says be fruitful and multiply. And it's hard to have five kids and think about their salvation and their eternity and think about like, oh no, am I spending too much time on non-eternal things when like if their heart that should be number one, it's hard to have the chaos and the expenses. It's hard to go through the seasons later on in life where you pour into your kids and you don't have a relationship with your spouse. You know what I mean? Because you didn't do the hard work up front. Oh, we see that all the time. Yeah, we see that all the time. Yeah. So, like, there's so many seasons. I don't want to speak on the later seasons because I'm not there. I would just be… Yeah, but you just made my head go there. I can't help it. So… Go ahead. Let me give three things, okay? Because I'm there, you know. Number one, you just need to know this. You need to know this. Adult kids, 18 to 26, are four times more expensive than, poof, just need to know that. I've been telling people, I've been telling people for like the last 10 years, like guys, four times. So what are you doing? Like cars, college, weddings. You know how many people don't prepare for a wedding? Sorry, okay, let me just throw this out at you. We paid for our own. So yeah. Well, but, but let me just throw this out at you because today's culture is so not traditional. Like, what are you going to do for your boys? So if you, if you set so much money aside for your daughters to get married, like are you going to do anything for your, I'm just asking the question. You can decide what you want to do with it. But for my first wife and I, we were like, you know what, we're going to give them this much money and they do whatever they want with it, boy or girl. Because guess what? We realized that nobody plans for this. And so it didn't matter who was supposed to do what. We were like, erase that thought. We're not going to, we're going to say, hey, go spend it however you want. Well, one of my kids is really good with money and did the wedding on the cheap and used it for a down payment on the house. The other child blew it all in the way. Are you all right? Sure. So whatever, but that was his strategy. Then I would say this, I would say, I know we're off topic, but man, you brought it up. I would say this. I don't think it's off topic, no. You have 25 years to kill it and to prepare for adult children, weddings, grandchildren. What do you want your life to look like when you get to grandkids? Man, you need to start thinking about that now. With five, six, or however many kids you're gonna have, you are gonna have a, if Lord Terry, you're gonna have a bunch of babies running around. And what kind of grandparent are you gonna have? Are you gonna have the house set up with a tree fort? Are you gonna have a vacation spot? Are you gonna bring all the grandkids and leave the parents at home because you don't even want them around? It's okay to start thinking about that stuff now. I've got some friends, they're 25 years in and they're like, what do I do now? I'm not prepared for college and cars and weddings. I'm like, you had 25 years and you made a lot more money than I did. I'm just saying, those are real things and I think it's okay. You know, we brought the scripture up Proverbs said a good man takes care of his children's children And and we need to be thinking about that stuff and preparing for that stuff and I was a Christian school Educator for 25 years. I had to be creative man I had to be creative and I begged the Lord to give me the creative mind and thoughts on how I could still achieve Some of those goals and on very, very little income. I mean, I'd throw my numbers out there and they don't even compare to what some of my friends make for the last 25 years, but God has given me the creativity and the ingenuity to figure it out. That's what being a believer is in all areas, in all areas. So anyway, sorry, I just got off track, but I was like, you took me there and well spurred right now and and then and then what if? What if the Lord just drops a whole bunch of more kiddos in your lap? Are you ready for it? Yeah, just saying I'm just saying well But but what you're saying is like people could say well This isn't quite as deep as the letter Michael is going to but it is Because it's hard to give up what you want now for what you, like Dave Ramsey's famous quote, what does he say? He says, live like no one else now so you can live and give like no one else later. Right? So it's hard to pay off your student loans and put thousands of dollars a month toward that. And it's hard to save money and live below your means in a generation where like, you gotta keep up with the Joneses. You know what I mean? Sure. It's hard to do those things. It's hard to homeschool your kids. It's hard to have tons of kids. It's hard to start a business. It's hard to bring your wife home. Those are the seasons that I think, like I look at Michael's letter and I don't just think about the hard things God throws our way emotionally, but the practical things that God's like, press into me for goodness sakes, how am I ever going to work in your life? You don't give me a reason to. Yep. Yep. So, with that being said, as we continue through her letter about the hard things, I think anyone listening to this can, can fill in the gaps on their own hard. And when we talk about the person who runs from it, like what's the thing you're running from right now on a small scale that's gonna allow you to build the muscle to be able to say like, okay, like I can do harder things, harder things, harder things, but you gotta start with that smaller thing first. You know, like anyway, I digress. Me and you have a lot of passion behind this particular topic. Let's talk about helping that friend who's going through the hard because that was Michael. So many people listening to this are still listening to this because of how much she helped friends. So walk me through how hard and draining it is for you to help someone who's going through a hard season. The first part of the formula is time. Michael just made time for people. My day, again, I'm dissecting my whole world and realizing that I would fill my day so full that I had time for you know two, three, four minute phone calls and that's it because I was off to the next thing. And I might say, how you doing? Praying for you, things like that. I mean I had that down. I could do that. And they even would make my prayer list. It wasn't that I didn't just say it. I would pray for those people. But time, Michael taught me time. When we had our second date and it was eight hours, I was like, holy cow. And then when I broke the code on Michael and realized that she needed just her three to four hours every day of connective time. Okay, so let me give you that scenario. I had two choices. I Could be the one to provide that time or she would fill it with somebody else and she did friends Other people coffee dates things like that. She wasn't filling it with wrongful things I'm just telling you once I cracked that code and realized that my wife needed three to four hours of Connective time every day. I was like, I'm going to be the one. It was a lot of work. Texts, calls, messages. I mean, we call each other eight, ten times a day. I'd be in the middle of a meeting and she'd call and I'd say and the thing is, I'd pick up, man, I love my wife. I didn't ever want to I didn't ever want to put her on hold. Hey, babe, what's she doing? I'm in the middle of a meeting. Can I call you as soon as I'm done? She's like, oh, no problem. Yeah, I'm really sorry It's like no don't apologize. I love to hear your voice like it's all good. I'll call you soon as I'm done like it was just We just did it different once I figured that out like no you're not a distraction. You're not a problem You're you're the joy of my life, and I can't wait to get this meeting over to call you back like That all by itself was work but so meaningful and I'd call her and she'd say oh I just I just ran into this person or I just had this thing or I had this moment or this idea and she's so excited to tell me about it and I realized that I wanted to be the recipient of that excitement I didn't want it to be another friend like they she had to call a friend to tell her about this new thing that she found was excited about. I wanted that. That was the gift. Like time. And so some of her friends were mad because you know she used to have these girls night out with these different friends on a regular basis and man once I was in the picture then they would be like hey we're meeting she's like oh I'm sorry you know Curtis and I and they're like Curtis this, Curtis that. And they know who they are if they're listening to this they're dying laughing because they know it's true like like I I Was so much I was selfish with her time man. I wanted it all she was such a gift I didn't want to I didn't want to give it up But when there was this moment of she's like I need to go meet with this person struggle and they need my time and man I'm serious it might be three four or five hours before she came home. Once you got her time she gave it to you full attention no distractions. It used to make me mad because she turned her phone off and put it in her purse. She was so particular about giving people uninterrupted focus that she would turn her phone off put it interrupted Focus that she would she would turn her phone off put it away and say I'm all yours. I mean, that's how she was And so imagine, you know somebody who's just busy busy busy busy marrying somebody like that and be like, oh my word Like I've got so much work to do and so the work started with giving her time but now it's you know, I can't tell you how many times I've been late to a meeting or late to an appointment because Lord impressed on me to call somebody and honestly they're typically guys that have gone through a divorce or going through a hardship and I'll feel like impressed to call them on the spot or I see them drive by, man I was just thinking about you how's it going and I've pulled off the side of the road a bunch of times and just said man I'm your this is your time I did it last night talk to me tell me what's going on and when you do that, when somebody knows they have your full attention, they'll give you what's going on. But if they don't think they have your full attention, and they feel the hesitancy, and they feel the urgency of, oh, I'm on my way to, or all you have to do is say, yeah, I'm on my way to an appointment, and you've already blown the mood because they're like, oh, he's busy, he doesn't have time for me right now, so we'll just make this short and sweet and move on. So you even have to set the tone. This is work. You even have to set the tone to give people adequate time to dive into their pain and hurt and what's going on. So I could dive into 10 other things that it requires to dive into somebody's pain, but the very first one is time. That's deeply convicting. I know. So many ways. I mean, just myself. Like, I'll be honest with you. As soon as you said your wife needs three hours of connective time a day, I was like, oh, every introvert listening to that. It was like breathing heavy. Just like me. You know what I mean? So, but golly, man, the reason this is so powerful is because time, you can make more money, but you can't make more time. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. And time is our most precious commodity. But you know what's right beside that is attention. And you touched on that because I can give you my time while I'm looking down at my phone. Sure. Yep. And you don't have my attention. And so both of the things you said there are deeply convicting because I tend to – and I'm sure people listening to this are probably the same way, I tend to get in my focus box and I'm like the king of call you back, call you back, call you back. Sure. Even if it's my wife. And I think that that's deeply convicting because it makes her feel like she's second tier. And she's not, like she's my person. And so, but attention even, let's camp out on that for a hot second. We live in a world where people talk to you, tell you what they wanna tell you, and their instant reaction when you start speaking, looking down at their phone. It is the rudest freaking thing in the world. It is. And sometimes I catch myself doing it, but I try to be very aware, but I do it to my kids all the time because my head will be on my phone and they'll come up and not see the moment. But they're getting older now and they're like, dad's not listening. Yeah, I know. So what you're saying right now is so deeply convicting and it's very hard to turn that wheel that's been going one direction. So imagine that she was a social media personality too. And how could she balance the two? And she told me, she said she had to work really hard at it. She used to have all the notifications on her phone so when she was selling and posting, I mean she was posting two, three, four times a day when she was deep into that stuff, right? And so she's glued to her phone. Her kids would even say, mom, you know, was on her phone 24-7. And one day she woke up and realized, I can't do this. Turned all her notifications off, put her phone on silent. Now what she was good at is she would check. Like she reached out on her purse and be like, have I missed any calls? Oh, Curtis called me three times. Oh, hey, that must be important. You know what I mean? It drove me nuts because I want answers like the first time. But she learned, but it wasn't, that wasn't natural. She had to learn that trait of how to give somebody undivided attention in a social media world. Like she was in it deep and so she had to practice it. She wanted to be there for somebody and in order to do that, she had to learn to give them her undivided attention. When you had it, man, it was such a neat thing. When you had Michael's attention, it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced because, man, she just big blue eyes staring into your soul, asking you the best questions ever. I mean, I can't and I don't even know how to explain it better than that. It was just it was good. And so it was so good that I didn't want to give it up to anybody else because she still needed that connective time. Yeah. Yeah. And we actually never got to really dive into the depths of how you were feeling about time when you knew it was scarce in the hospital. Oh, yeah, that's hard, yeah. I wanted to lock the door and kick everybody out. But I was managing time, getting everybody I could an opportunity to have a moment with her. That was hard, it was hard not to be selfish. It really, really was. It was hard. Yeah. Yeah. Which, which I think easily, perfectly compliments helping others in their hard, allowing others to steal her time that was scarce because they needed her. And so, you know, I don't know if that ever landed for you, but. Well, no, it did. I know that those people, those people will forever be grateful for those last moments People have written about it. People have talked about it. Like they got they got a moment with her at the end like whoo Such a big life-changing Moment, you know, yeah So I get back to reading yeah, yeah, of course so she says She says, Don't run away from it But feel it and let God do its work in you and the next time that you have a friend who's going through the hard you can run to it with them help them heal in the pain and Then she says and I think that's what some of this is all about Jesus didn't run from the pain. He ran to it for us For great love. He said not my will but your will be done Lord, and I think he's a perfect Example and I think that's what life is all about great love and great pain Yeah, if you finish that sentence it says great love and great pain and the love of the father covering it all Mm-hmm like who says that? like says that. And so she loved so well. And she felt so much. So she felt her own pain, her own struggle. But then she took it another level and she dove into other people's heart and pain. And so, you know, for her, these were normal words like, I love well and I hurt well, like I feel your pain. And then the only way, and she came to this conclusion in her own life, the only way I can do that, love well and feel pain so well, is the love of the Father has to cover it all. Like you can't do it. That's the statement. I've been dissecting this statement now for months. Great love, great pain, and the love of the Father covering it all because you can't do this unless the Spirit is helping you do it. It's not possible. Amen. So when you asked me the question a while ago, what do you say to the people who run away from it? I'll just be honest with you, like you can't do it in your own pain and then to be able to help others in their pain. And that's what she was saying here so eloquently. Like, guys, you can't do it on your own. You can't. God can sure help you. That's so spot on, man, because as Christians, we're called to – like, Christian in and of itself means follower of Christ. I would know because that's my full name. So a Christian means follower of Christ, and so if we're a follower of Christ, we imitate Christ. And she perfectly lays this out by saying Jesus didn't run from the pain, so we shouldn't either. So we should too. He ran to it for great love. And he said, not my will be done, Lord, but yours, which we should do the same. And so Jesus being the perfect example and Michael saying like, my trust is in Jesus. Jesus is who I imitate. And these words. That's what life's all about. Great love and great pain. The love of the Father covering it all. It's so interesting what you said though. Correct me if I'm wrong. You said you can't not run away without the love of the Father covering it all. And so not being a believer – and look, this is a conversation where non-believers are like, you're so arrogant. You're so arrogant as a Christian to think Jesus is the only way. You know what I mean? Yeah. But help us with that. With the thought of us being arrogant, there's no arrogance to this. We're talking about doing things that we're not capable or even taught or learned or prepared for. That's what living in the Spirit is, is that God's kingdom is backwards and upside down. It is. God's kingdom is backwards and upside down. He says the opposite of pride, the opposite of you name it. That's my kingdom. Like we don't run from pain, we dive into pain. We don't hate, we love, we don't fight, we heal. I mean he flips, he just flips the script on all of it. Sermon on the Mount, oh my word. He says to the world, you got it all wrong, you do it all Like, it's not how this works. And so, here's just another example. When people see it, yeah, they see that they might think it's arrogant that, why do you think that your method is going to work? Or, like, because there's proof. I have history with God. His faithfulness and his history and his words say so. And, um, man, yeah. Well, you nailed it. It's, it's, there's so much evidence mounting, like, delusion is where evidence doesn't meet reality. Right? And so when we look at the Bible, and when we look at Jesus, and when we say, hey, this whole podcast, like, hey, look, you might, you might listen to another resource on grief and they're like, hey, go get a medium, go speak to your lost loved one, talk to them all the time, all the stuff, and they leave you with no hope. Person is gone. But the hope that we have and the hope that you have is that your wife had a relationship with the creator of the world and the same creator who created her soul. Yeah. And she's with him in eternity. She flipped the script so hard in the hospital that nurses, I know early on in our episodes we talked about this, that nurses were working extra shifts to hang out with Michael, sitting by her bedside for 45 minutes and they're like, they can wait, I want to hang out with this chick. This woman is changing me. The nurse is coming in. The morning we're going to unplug the machines. Saying things like, Michael, it has been an honor and a joy, joy to serve you and be with you and watch what you've gone through and are going through. I've never told you this story. There's a picture right behind me. I've never... Sorry, I'm going to do something totally off script. Do it. No rules. This picture was taken the day that I got the announcement of what Michael had, I called my family, the kids, and I said you gotta get here we need a family picture. Our photographer friend Kristen Bliss, bless her heart, I told her what was going on and she sat out on the road before she got to our driveway and cried and asked the Lord to help her be able to take family photos of us as a family knowing what she knew. And so that was one part of the story but right before we went into the hospital, Roundtown Magazine, Michael impacted this community. When we started the wedding venue, the loft, like people just loved her and they loved what we were doing and they fell in love with her as a person, her character. But Roundtown Magazine wanted to do an article on us and on the loft. And they had messaged us right before we got all the news. And I was like, yeah, this isn't going to happen. And the writer kept emailing saying we need to make this happen. I said, finally, I was like, I'm in the hospital, my wife's in ICU and we're literally going to pull the plug. And the CEO, the president of the company, he calls me and says, Curtis, we want to run this story. I'm like, you don't understand. He said, we do. He said, our community needs this. They need to know one of their own did it well. Oh, wow. And so in the hospital, I say, well, it's going to have to be an over-the-phone interview because I can't write anything. And so he calls a lady, I think over in Indiana, and says, I need you to interview this guy. He didn't tell her what it was about. This woman calls me and says, hey, so-and-so says we've got a really special story and he wants me to interview you I'm gonna write it tonight send it to you and edit it and I was like do you even know what's going on she's like no and I told her and she's sobbing on the phone saying you've got to be kidding me hmm tell her how we meet I tell her what a remarkable person she is I tell her what we're facing and what she's going through and how she's impacting this whole this our family in the hospital and I I didn't get it all right I remember reading it thinking all the stats and the stuff isn't right timelines aren't right whatever I didn't care like I wanted to be my wife so this woman writes this article and sends it to me in an email that night I mean she wrote it quick and I said hey babe they're gonna run this story and I read it to her. She says that's really nice. She said, but there's only one problem. I said, what? She said, you didn't ask me to say anything. Oh wow. Only Michael. Only Michael. I'm like, okay, record. What do you want to say? And so she says, and I send this to this woman, and so she puts Michael's blurb in to this article and of course it came out in the next month and at the very end it says Michael passed away on October 9th blah blah blah and in this article goes out I should um I should send that link out because it's such a powerful statement to the impact that Michael had while she was alive and while she was on her deathbed even in our community they're like no we we want to put this out people need to know what it looks like when somebody lives well and dies well and leaves such a testimony in anyways so I just I every time we're on an episode that pictures in the back and I'm reminded of it I'm like you don't know that story that happened in the hospital. I was like That's amazing so so we'll have that link in the show notes for anybody absolutely or the description for anybody who wants to check it out Okay Now it's great So I'm actually intrigued by this You said Michaels from like 45 minutes away from Circleville. And that's a Circleville magazine. How did she create that big of an impact in such a short time? Two years. Well, let me back up. Remember, Michael was from our community before when she was married. She was from this community. But she was good friends with a lot of church communities. As far as the local community, the business world, those people, there wasn't a lot of interaction. In two years of running a business downtown and people meeting and falling in love with my wife, like who is this person? She's so energetic, so connective, so like in two years my wife changed our community. It was nuts. And so yeah, we get this. We get this. Oh, man. Yep. That's good. Pretty special. It is special. It is special, man. Goodness. So we've been able to pull some amazing parts out of these final words from Michael as We as we begin to conclude this episode and kind of work our way down to these final words I want to read them and we'll pull apart whatever is necessary And then we'll say goodbye So it says he goes to prepare a place for us With no more sickness. No more sadness. No more death. Lord willing, I'll be there very soon. And I can't wait to meet my Savior." So this is not goodbye. This is just see you there. This is not a sadness for anyone that is a child of God, but the hope of a homecoming that's been long awaited. And if you don't know this precious Savior, please run to Him in your pain and find healing and hope and redemption because He's the only one who can and that's why He came. I love you all. What sticks out to me in this last part is this is not goodbye this is just see you there. Yeah. And we go back to imitating Jesus and we talk about how the greatest work a Christian can do is bring others to heaven with them. This whole podcast is pointed to that idea. Why talk about this stuff if there's no hope at the end? Right. What can you say to somebody who's just wrestling with God in their grief? Hasn't committed their life to Jesus? And your wife is saying to that person This is not goodbye, this is just see you there Michael was the ultimate connector and Relational person I've ever met and so if I were to say who in your life best imitates a relational God. It would be my wife because she believed in deep, meaningful relationships. And to think that God is the creator of relationships. God, God created Adam and then he says, dude, you're alone. You need to help me. You need a helpmate. You need a friend. You need a relationship. And here God is, He already wants and has a relationship with Adam. And He recognizes in Adam that He's missing something. It's another relationship. And so from the very beginning of creation, God is a God of relation. And He knows our deepest need is relationship with others, even though sometimes we push it away. Down deep, we need it, we crave it, we want it. We want to be known and we want people to choose us. As a guy, to say those kinds of words means I've had to dig really deep. In our loneliest moments ever, it's not that we are looking or have a relationship with somebody, it's down deep. The loneliest person is the person who doesn't feel like they've been chosen, they've been chased, somebody else wants to know me. That comes from God. That comes from God, Michael would say. God's a God of relationship. And so we may have some relationships in our life but I promise you, you don't know how deep and what the depths of a true relationship can be until you know God and have met him there and realize how much he loves you and that he chose you and that he chases you and that he And he wants to spend eternity with you. Like, Michael got that. He chose us because he could have. He chose us. He could have just not sent Jesus. And he could have just allowed sin to engulf the world and give us what we deserved and send us to hell. But he chose us because like she said in the middle of this is yeah, Jesus didn't run from the pain. He ran to it. He had a choice and Jesus chose to die on the cross for our sins. Yeah, and that is why we can have a relationship with God. Man, I love everything you just said. It's so powerful because I know Michael's dying wishes in this last piece is that more would come to a relationship with Jesus. And that you would remember that God has allowed this hard and that you would stay far from bitterness and the kids would stay far from bitterness. And that what she wrote here is so spirit-led like like we've been saying this isn't just words That's mashed together. I mean you have that you have the literal recording of this 100% the transcription and so Life and death is real and Michael wanted others to be saved and come to Jesus and what you're saying what I'm hearing you say is in life, we're searching for the next thing right we're searching for relationships and this is the pinnacle of relationship because of eternity in Christ in heaven Man, this is so powerful. I'm so thankful that she said these things. I'm sitting here like we could just unpack every piece of this even further. But as we end this episode, Curtis, I mean it's a hard one to end really because what she said is enough. So yeah. I know. That's why we're going to make sure people have this. They can read it. They can dissect it. They can print it. They can write on it. They can take their own notes and just process it because we're still processing it. We're still going through it, trying to figure out where we go next from here. Can I bring something up that's hard? You know, Curtis and I have had some conversations about this ministry, and this is hard. It's not only hard to talk about what you've talked about and the freshness of grief, but to show up and do these episodes consistently and us to put in what we need to put in and field everything coming in, which we love, right? But you have so much going on and you're tired, man. Like you're tired. We've talked about this, if we're being honest. And so I know people are like, how can we help guys? How can we, how can we help? You know? And, and so if you don't mind, I'm going to ask you to run to the hard and just be honest with our listenership on, on what we need if God is going to continue to move this ministry forward. Yeah, you're going to put me on the spot. Well, we haven't announced it yet, but one of the things that I feel very led to do is to have a Michael Foundation. Like it's one thing to say the things, it's a whole other thing to turn them into action. And I know people appreciate what we say and what we do, but there's also some tremendous needs. And so I don't know if people have been to the runtothehard.com, our website, but our website actually has a foundation page. And we haven't announced this, we haven't had a big push announcement, but you can give right now to the foundation. And there's three parts to it. One is obviously none of the stuff that we're doing is free, like equipment, time, energy. And what you don't know is Chris puts 15, 20 hours or more a week into these episodes. It's part of his job. And so, you know, we're raising dollars to just put episodes together. So there's the financial piece of that. But then the goal is that the Michael Foundation will be able to help practically people in the middle of the hardest things. I know people who somebody tragically passed away and there was no money for a funeral. I know people who need some help from some family psychologist. I know people that need – I mean, there are so many needs. And so our goal is to create a foundation that we can help people in these needs. But ultimately, pray for us to know next direction. Michael's nuggets aren't just in grief and in running to hard. Michael and I, I raised two kids. I have two unmarried children. So you have adult children and all the things that go into that, but she was raising five kids. So we have, my mom was a single parent. Michael was a single parent for a while. We have so many conversations that we could talk about in parenting boys and parenting girls and parenting kids before death, parenting kids after death. What are the financial... I mean, we have... You and I have so many topics that we could dive into, you know, both pre and post. And we have all the creative ideas. And so we need prayer for where do we go. We have in the queue some guest speakers who have been down this path and are going through this and we're trying to figure out and how to navigate how to ask and how to help them come be a part of this journey and be guest speakers. We have a lot going on, just a lot going on on and to be just dead honest with you, there are two dads raising five kids and God is doing a work, but man, there's a mountain of things that we're climbing over and figuring out and trying to manage along the way. And so, yeah, lots of prayer. There's financial needs, there's ideas. Really, really practically speaking, we've been dissecting the data and right now the best way that this information is going out is through email. That's been our best thing and so if you go to our website, every single page if you go down to the bottom of it, run to the heart.com, you can put your email in or somebody else's email and surprise somebody else to start getting this episode. But we found that that seems to be our best method of getting it out. The second best method of getting it out is people passing the podcasts on, just texting the link to a friend or somebody else. And we've had so many new listeners because of that. My friend, my brother, my mom texted me your link. I watched episode seven. Yeah, I think that was a good one. I was one of my favorites but anyways episode seven and and then after I listened to that one I went all the way back to the beginning. I was like oh my word I want to know more about this woman and her testimony in your life and and on and on and so you know those are the two biggest ones. So something I should say is we're launching these on Just feels like it's a lot. Video podcasts on YouTube, and then we're launching them on all the major audio platforms. So if you're listening to this, there is not an algorithm that pushes episodes in front of people on the audio side. You have to do that for us. We cannot put this in front of anybody without you. On the YouTube side, the analytics tell us that there are over 750 people that are not subscribed to the show that are listening, past even the subscribership at this point. And subscribers and downloads, guys, in and of itself, what it does is it helps us to know that people are paying attention and it continues to motivate us, like, okay, God is doing something here. Outside of that, no one has an ego behind it. We don't care. It's just, it's a metric that we need because people trust and see like, okay, cool, something is happening here. And so the more people that are subscribed, the more people that are downloading, the more people that are sharing this thing is where this message is going to go. And this is all in God's hands. And we've said it from the beginning. And we pray over these topics and these episodes and these things. And so, yeah, you pretty well covered it, Curtis, but yeah, I think it's just important for people to know, like, we want this to impact people. There are needs, there are financial needs and foundational needs that we want met, of course. And critique us. We're not, we don't, you know, for the most part we're breathing the story out. So you know, we're not psychologists, we're not theologians, we're not, you know, so we're breathing the story. Now we're diving in and learning stuff along the way, but don't be afraid to say, Hey, did you guys think about this? Or have you, have you read or, or subscribe to this? And somebody sent me a podcast just the other day and it was so good. It was like elite academia, meaning the language and stuff was off the hook, but the principles were so good. I actually started taking some notes and was thinking, okay, how can I apply this? Because I'm pretty simple-minded, also I'm pretty simple in my vocabulary, but I was like there was some really, really good nuggets and so critique us, give us information, tell us what you like, what you don't like. Throw a topic out there. If we covered something that you're like, oh, I want to know more about that. Tell us, like seriously, tell us, we're breathing this out. And then we also want to know your stories. They're starting to come out little by little. But tell us your story, tell us how this is helping or how this is impacting and what can we pray for. We have a significant prayer list. Absolutely. Well, good. We're going to do it. Everything we just talked about from the foundation and the needs and the vision for this, again, we'll get more clear on it later on, but we're going to make all that very easy either in the show notes below or the description on YouTube here. So go down, check all that out and you can find all the links to everything we've discussed in this episode. So yeah guys, thank you so much for your support, thank you so much for your prayers and we look forward to continuing to tell this story. look forward to continuing to tell this story. You

‍