[00:00:00] Chris: Welcome to the run of the heart podcast, guys. Losing someone isn't just about losing them. It's about losing who you were with them, the life you built, the dreams you shared, the version of yourself that existed in that story. So what happens when you step into something new, but you don't even feel like the same person anymore?[00:00:21] Curtis and Crystal know this firsthand. They've walked through loss, they've found love again, but this isn't about moving on. It's about rebuilding. It's about carrying grief. It's about honoring the past and figuring out who they are now. If you feel like part of you died with the person you lost, if you're now stepping into something new, but you're still carrying what was this episode is for you. [00:00:48] Welcome to the Run to the Hard podcast, where we're here to remind you that God doesn't promise us a life free from suffering, but he always brings healing and restoration on the other end. Our goal is to inspire you to face life's trials with courage and trust in God's plan.[00:01:01] And oh yeah, run to the hard that God allows. [00:01:04] Chris: Curtis, Crystal, it's so good to have you both on the episode. Today, we're gonna talk about some super heavy things. And, it's gonna get deep, because there's such important things to talk about.[00:01:18] However, can I just like pull off the gas real fast before, before we go there? You guys got engaged! This is insane.[00:01:28] Curtis: Yep.[00:01:30] Chris: So happy for you guys. Everybody's so happy for you guys. In fact, we have, we have a, a video on YouTube, uh, that we will link below and you can see that Crystal did an amazing job speaking at a local church.[00:01:43] And then Curtis came up afterwards and popped the question. It's amazing. So you guys should go check it out. Um, but yeah, just tell us a little bit about that, about how excited you guys are. Uh, Crystal, ladies first.[00:01:53] Crystal: Yeah, we're engaged. That was, um, I mean, it's something that we knew would happen. What's wrong?[00:02:04] Curtis: Show the ring.[00:02:06] Crystal: Oh,[00:02:06] Chris: ring, baby![00:02:08] Crystal: ching, ching, ching. Yeah. Um,[00:02:12] Chris: I love it.[00:02:13] Crystal: it's something that we have talked about. I mean, truly since. Oh, like the first week, like I, I knew immediately I wanted to marry him immediately. Um, and I was looking for those little red flags, wasn't finding them.[00:02:27] So I was like, we're good. Um, so, and, and Curtis was the same way we were. We've, we've truly talked about blending our lives together from the very beginning. So to actually be engaged and start planning our lives together. It's so exciting. It's so wonderful. Um, God's got great things ahead for us and, um, we get to be parents to more kids.[00:02:58] So bring it on, let the, let the family fun begin. Like it's,[00:03:03] Chris: I love it. I love it. Curtis, you're a confident dude. Were you nervous? Were you nervous, man? I mean, come on, let's, in between your ears.[00:03:11] Curtis: Yeah, well, so we had a different plan. Thanksgiving was coming up and we were going to have everybody together. And I was like, I think we can do it then. In fact, I'd even talked to the kids. I talked to her girls and, uh, then we had a chance to speak at, at a pastor friend's church and I knew it was going to be online and I knew her parents and siblings and all were going to watch it.[00:03:32] And I literally three days before, before we were going to speak, I called the pastor up and I was like, Zach. And he's like, let's go, let's do it. And I was like, okay, we're going to do it. So I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell any of the kids. Well, there was a couple of kids who could not be there for that service.[00:03:49] And so I preempted them, called them, told them what was going on, make sure I had their blessing. But then because mom and dad's in Florida, brother and sister are in Louisiana, like her, she's got. Family all over the place. I made sure that they knew and that they tuned in. I called her best friend. I called her best friend of all time and said, Hey, you got to be there on Sunday.[00:04:10] And so she showed up and Crystal was like, no way you're here to hear me speak. And we had this whole thing. And then some other friends from our neighborhood and different things came in that did not know. And so, yeah, we, we pulled it off. And so wasn't nervous. Wasn't nervous. Like[00:04:26] Crystal: were nervous.[00:04:28] Chris: Oh, well, who's right here? First public fight.[00:04:31] Crystal: time out. I'll tell you about, it's my first time speaking ever. And the first thing he says, how you feeling? And I'm like, I feel good. I've practiced. I'm okay. I'm ready. And he's like white as a sheet and nervous. And I was like, I started second guessing myself. Like, um, I don't know.[00:04:52] Am I too confident? Like, I don't want to go up there and be cocky. Like maybe I need to be more nervous than what I am. And he actually made me second guess my, like my comfort, because I was like, what's wrong with you? Why are you so nervous? And he was like, I'm okay. And yeah, so you were nervous. And then when you asked me to marry you, I was like, no wonder you were so nervous.[00:05:17] You like had this. little plan in, in the back of your head that I, I didn't clearly know about. Um, but it actually, it kind of like goofed me up a little bit. Like, am I too comfortable? Like why? Yeah, you were definitely nervous.[00:05:35] Chris: That's hilarious. Oh my goodness. Well, I'm sure those who have Obviously heard you both and your individual episodes on run to the hard already understand the dynamic between you both But for those who have not we do want to be respectful and kind of getting into your stories individually Before before we kind of dive in and impress on the gas a little bit into some heavier things.[00:06:02] So Curtis, I'll start with you [00:06:05] Curtis: Absolutely. Yep. Second marriage back in 2020 and God did an amazing work bringing two very broke people together and Married in August of 2020 and thought we were on top of the world building a life together only to have her pass away two years later on October 9th from bone marrow cancer and And amyloid, um, and her diagnosis was, uh, four weeks.[00:06:32] We found out what was wrong with her and she died four weeks later. And so, um, yeah, you talk about a, a punch to the gut. And, uh, so it's been two years and four months since that happened. And, uh, a lot of life has changed since then. Hmm. [00:06:48] Chris: crystal, tell us a little bit about what happened.[00:06:52] Crystal: yeah, so just a quick recap on, on my life story. I also was a second marriage. My first husband abandoned me. And so, um, when I met Brandon, we quickly fell in love and we're married quickly. Um. 2010, we got married and at the end of 2022, he became, um, sick with a really aggressive blood cancer and, um, went through bone marrow transplant, survived that, and then actually relapsed after, um, the transplant.[00:07:28] And we had, from the time we knew he was terminal, we had three days, um, until. He passed away. Um, so it was sudden in the sense that we had gone through a pretty extensive, almost a five month illness where we lived in the hospital for about five months. Um, but then had a really quick, um, moment to say goodbye.[00:07:52] Mm[00:07:53] Chris: It's hard as host as a person hosting this right now It's hard to ask you both those stories and only get like the 60 to 90 second version So again, please if you want to hear more about Curtis losing Michael and crystal losing Brandon, please do check out those full stories below guys. Here's the point of this episode Okay, you've both walked through incredible loss God restores, and now you're engaged, which is incredible. This episode though, isn't just about finding each other. It's about what comes next because rebuilding isn't just about moving on. It's about figuring out who you are now.[00:08:39] Right. And so with that being said, Curtis, you mentioned to me, you don't feel like the same person anymore. Can you put words to that, man?[00:08:48] Curtis: Yeah, I mean, when your life is Flipped upside down and everything that you were hoping for and dreaming for and preparing for and planning for is just suddenly gone. I mean, you are, you are left empty. And, um, I'm not, I'm not the same guy, you know, death, death changes everything. It changes the way you process life.[00:09:19] It changes the way you look at life. Like nothing looks the same anymore. Relationships don't look the same. Your view of the world in general changes. You know, your eternal perspective is heightened. Um, things of earth are so. Just blah, it's, it's, it's hard to explain. Um, it's dark and light at the same time.[00:09:44] I have a light to more of eternal things and things that are important, but the things of the, of the world and past seem very dark and. Um, don't mean as much anymore. And so you've got this balance of how do you balance all that? Because life still has to go on. There's still kids to raise. There's still bills to pay.[00:10:04] There's still life that still has to happen. So yeah, it's, it's a, it's a thing.[00:10:10] Chris: And Crystal, same thing. I mean, life is, life is incredibly different now.[00:10:16] Crystal: hmm.[00:10:17] Chris: And, uh, you know,[00:10:18] Crystal: It is.[00:10:20] Chris: how have, how have you changed?[00:10:22] Crystal: Um, well, just from And your body just going through shock, that, I mean, that changes you drastically. Um, just what the state of shock does on your body. And, um, it has taken me, it's honestly taken me much longer to recover just from that, like physically, I'm not the same. My brain is, um, Shot like, you know, and, and Curtis's as well.[00:10:54] And, and I do know that this is part of grief cause I've heard it from so many, um, people who are grieving how, you know, you just, you don't remember things. You have a lot of brain fog. Um, and so that sometimes makes you feel as though you're not, um, You're not adequate enough. I, not adequate, just, you just feel less of yourself.[00:11:19] Um, but yeah, and then your life dreams were built with that other person and those dreams are shattered and, and die with that person. And so you're in this state of almost like treading water. Like you're trying to stay afloat. But you're, you have nowhere to go at the moment and you're, you're honestly a little lost.[00:11:48] Um, and you're just trying to find a new direction. And so yeah, bringing a new relationship into two really like lost people with no roadmap. Um, it's, it's definitely a journey. It's right. It's. It's a, I don't know, there's just a lot of, um, like for Curtis and I, it's been, I feel like we're almost stunted in, even though we have this new love and this new relationship and it, it should have so much excitement and so much building on it. Um, and it's not that we're hesitant. We're just like, Where does this go? You know, it's, it, we just, we don't have a roadmap for this.[00:12:37] And so we're trying to blend our complex lives. Um, it's, it's been kind of hard to make, to make big dreams. We just know we want to be together. That's, that's the easy dream.[00:12:57] Chris: Yeah. You know, the most powerful part of you guys being on here in your stage of rebuilding into, you know, looking back and saying like, Hey, Curtis, you certainly don't want to forget about Michael and Crystal. You don't want to forget about Brandon, but the reality is that you're both rebuilding. Let me ask you this question because I think people get a lot of value from this. You've both admitted like you're not who you were. Okay. And so coming together and rebuilding into a new relationship, you know, I'm curious, Curtis, how do you, how do you navigate basically admitting to the person like, man, I wish you saw me as this guy and I'm not anymore.[00:13:44] Curtis: Yeah, we do that all the time. Actually, the two of us do. I mean, as early as yesterday, you know, we both say this often is, you know, and sometimes I'll say, you may not have wanted to know that guy[00:13:58] Chris: Fair[00:13:58] Curtis: that that type a driven, you know, take the hill guy. But anyways, we actually share this a lot. And we're like, and we wake up and we talk about, Man, I hope I get myself back.[00:14:10] We use that phrase a lot. Man, I hope I get my mind back. Things just don't Work like they used to man. I hope yesterday. I said, I really want my energy back I just don't have energy. So we're constantly sharing it with one another. I think we know Enough about each other that we can see the glimpses I can see glimpses of who crystal is and I think she can see glimpses, but it's still Frustrating our memory is just off Awful.[00:14:38] Like we don't remember anything. We, we constantly are asking each other. Have I told you this story before? And you know, sometimes I say, yeah, actually you've told me about three times and she'll be like, really? Cause cause we, we just don't remember stuff, names and stories and backstories. And so it's, it's kind of a joke.[00:14:58] We joke about it all the time, but it's not just a joke. There's a, there's a level of frustration that goes with it as well. That. Man, I hope we can get back because, um, yeah, I, I'm appreciative of how much she loves and appreciates who I am now. But the frustration is I'm like, you don't know, you don't really even know all of me yet.[00:15:21] Does that make sense? And so that's my take.[00:15:25] Chris: Sure. Sure.[00:15:26] Crystal: I, I mean, I continuously say to Curtis, I'm so sorry, you're getting the broken me. Um, because yeah, he's, he's falling in love with this person who I am today. And this person is, is very, is still hurting a lot and grieving a lot and, and very broken and not. Um, who I was when I was married to, to Brandon and, and I feel, I feel sad that he doesn't get to see that person.[00:15:59] Um, and, and we say to one another often, I, I hope that person comes back. I hope you get to meet who, who I was, and, and we may, we may never, um, because grief changes you profoundly. Um, it, it makes you better in some ways, um, because you, you definitely have a different level of empathy and understanding and willing to push into other people in pain or, or brokenness.[00:16:34] Um, so it, it makes, it's made me more relational, not that I wasn't relational before. But yeah, I feel like, cause I am the biggest silly goofball and I feel like he doesn't get to see that much cause he has seen more tears, you know, um, than total straight up silly girl. Yeah. Yeah. You see some of it and it's, I mean, it is like, this is just us being very real and raw.[00:17:14] Like, even though we're, we're so in love with one another, like there's still sadness, grief, hurting pain there for both of us. And we're now just each other's, um, source of comfort, um, to help each other. We're, we're that person that they get to. Talk to about, you know, I'm, I'm having a really hard day. I'm really, really sad today.[00:17:41] Um, so it, it's like a new relationship, not even close to, uh, removing what I've been through. We're just, we're walking through it together.[00:17:53] Chris: Sure, sure. I would say the percentage of people that get, I could be way off on this, but it seems like Curtis, you losing Michael and then Crystal, you losing Brandon, and then you both coming together is like a miracle. I mean, like a total miracle. And so as hard as it is for you guys to think about the past and how you're rebuilding, I guess I just wonder, like, Is it harder that you guys have both experienced grief or is there an element of like, oh no, she gets me.[00:18:31] She understands when I have a bad day.[00:18:32] Curtis: Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah, I think it would be really tough if one person hadn't experienced this and trying to, trying to understand because there is a, she just mentioned there's a new level of sensitivity and that's a big deal. We, we do get each other and we do have moments. We've had some, we've had some small triggers, but we've had some huge triggers, triggers that have taken us down.[00:18:58] And, um, in a relationship, um, There's a, there's a whole nother level of comfort. That we're learning with each other. Uh, something that I've not had before. I don't know that I had this much empathy. And in fact, I know I didn't for somebody else, let alone somebody that I love so much, you know what I mean?[00:19:22] And so the two of us are experiencing a new level of empathy through some really, really hard times. Crystal can tell you. I mean, she lost me for what? Two weeks over Christmas. Uh, you know, we're, we're going through the holidays, holidays were, I didn't, I didn't know how hard they would be, but man, they were hard.[00:19:40] Um, and, and she kept saying, um, uh, when do I get you back? And I was like, what do you mean? And she's like, you're not the same. And it was a couple of weeks where she kind of lost me. And then, and then it was like, You know, the light came back on and I started coming back to myself and you know, where she just mentioned, she's going through all of her dates.[00:20:03] Dates are a big deal. Like our calendar year is a mess. We sat down to pick out a wedding date and it has taken us months to pick out a wedding day. You know why? Because birthdays, death adversaries. anniversaries. I mean, every month had a trigger to it. And finally, the two of us were just like, we can't think that way.[00:20:29] We just have to pick a date and go for it. We were trying to pick a meaningful date, but every time we'd go to one, you know, it was like, Oh my word. So dates, triggers, Big deals. [00:20:41] Chris: is so heavy guys. It's so hard. It's so heavy. And I, but here's, but here's what I know. I know. I know. But like, you know, how, how real we are on this podcast. But what I also know is you guys are going through some stuff, but like, man, the Lord brought you both together and you guys do have fun together.[00:21:03] And you guys, and you guys are, do experience like super high upswings. And then you have, you have the downs, which you're willing to share on the podcast, which everyone appreciates. tell me about how thankful you are that you found each other.[00:21:17] Crystal: So thankful. And in fact, I probably say that to Curtis daily. Um, and you know, and I'm, I'm just, like, I know it's God's doing and God's will. Um, and I'm so thankful that, um, I'm experiencing earthly blessings, um, despite of like, just devastation that I've gone through.[00:21:48] Um, and I'm thankful to have a best friend to not only love, but also one that like does understand and, and knows how to be incredibly empathetic and sensitive to me. Because, you know, he is someone I love. He's a man I love and I'm talking to him about another man and that's sometimes feels sort of weird.[00:22:20] Um, and it's also vulnerable cause I like, like, I initially felt like I tried to like, not talk to him about it. Cause I was like, it is another man. And I wasn't sure how that would feel, but then I like had to drop and this, and this was because we talked about it when we were friends, but then we started dating and I was like, can I talk to that level, you know, or is that going to feel weird to him?[00:22:57] Um, and, um, Yeah, so some of it's about us being extremely vulnerable with one another, um, to just really be vulnerable about, you know, being open and honest, like I'm really missing my husband today and, um, And then him to just come along and be like, I'm so sorry, you know? Um, and, and it's, it's happened both ways, um, where he's really, really miss Michael and, and it breaks my heart because I love him and, and I'm, I'm broken that he's sad and broken.[00:23:38] Um, so yeah, it's definitely got a lot of layers to it because. We each have a lot of sadness, um, and so there is a lot of deep emotions within our relationship, but there's also, I mean, I think, honestly, the kids really, really lighten the air for us, um, and make the, they make, they bring the fun, they bring the, um, The laughter, him and I have a lot of laughter.[00:24:14] We really do. But, um, the kids just, they're constantly silly and, and light and fun. And so I feel like when it's our family nights, I'm just like, check into a different mode. I'm like, it's, it's fun mode tonight, you know? Um, so yeah, it's a matter of like, Him and I get to, to do the really deep rollercoaster of emotions.[00:24:41] And I'm, I'm thankful for that. I truly am. And, you know, and, and even if you're, because there are people that are dating widows or widowers and they haven't gone through, um, that experience. And, you know, as both of us who have gone through that experience and we're both watching each other ride out this deep. Um, I would say it's normal, it's normal to still have deep pain and miss your spouse. Um, and to, you know, still, still be grieving, um, them. And so, I, I mean, I, I hope that would help someone that is dating someone that is a widower, or widower that, that may not. necessarily understand that because they haven't walked through that, but Curtis and I both are walking through it and we're both experiencing, um, missing our spouses.[00:25:47] Chris: Yeah,[00:25:48] Curtis: I'm glad that we had the dating or not the dating, but the friendship period, because it's almost like we got to establish the rules back then. You know, we were really open, you know, I would tell her about Michael. She would tell me about Brandon. You know, we were bragging on our spouses. We were bragging on what God had done then.[00:26:07] And, um, so during that friendship period, it's almost like we set up all the rules and the boundaries. And so it made it easier when we started dating because we've never stopped those rules. They, they continue and, and it's been okay to say I miss Michael. It's been okay for her to say, man, I'm missing Brandon so much today.[00:26:26] Um, you know, she mentioned the weird part. It is weird. You know, it's just a, just a clarification between, you know, Brandon and Michael, Brandon was his first marriage and he adored crystal. And I mean, he treated her so, so well and took such great care of her in detail. And I know this crystals has told me these things.[00:26:49] And then, you know, the flip side of that is I married Michael who quite honestly had not been treated that way. In fact, had not been treated well at all. And so I dated a woman who, um, I took her coffee for the first time and she cried. And I said, what's wrong? And she said, nobody's ever brought me coffee before.[00:27:09] So see the, see the difference, the flip side. So I marry a woman who I could do no wrong, you know, everything I did. If I took out the trash, it was like, you're amazing.[00:27:21] Chris: sure. Yeah,[00:27:25] Curtis: us, we've had these conversations and, you know, Brandon is this amazing guy. Who's always taken such good care of crystal.[00:27:33] And I'm coming from that situation. And so there is a level of, um, am I enough? Is there a love there's a level of, and I know Krista would tell me that I'm dead wrong and thinking this way, because what's attracted us to each other is the fact that we are both enough, but it still is in the back of your head.[00:27:50] Am I enough? It, can I be, and then I have to come to the realization that, you know, I'm not Brandon, you know, and she's not Michael. And all we can do is be the best version of ourself. We can be. And I think that's where the two of us are really coming to terms with is that if we are the best version of ourself, that.[00:28:15] We already are in love with each other. We're going to be better than what we've already fell in love with. And if I can work that out in my brain, I know everything's going to be okay. And we can still grieve and we can still miss Brandon and Michael, but you mentioned right at the beginning of this, this podcast, you know, we're building something new and it is new.[00:28:40] It's almost like from the ground up, it's like the house was burned to the ground. The foundation is no longer. And we have to start over brick by brick by brick. That's what it feels like. And that's, that's the difficulty. You know, we're not young, we're not young people anymore. And it's like, oh my word, the house has been burnt to the ground and we're starting over from scratch.[00:29:03] And, and so there's. There's excitement about starting over there is, you know, start starting something new once you get past the excitement. It's like this is work We we've got the shovels out and we're starting a new foundation. Does that make sense? It's almost like you know when people go to their you know especially with the California fires and you see these people with their little box and they're going through the ashes finding the simplest things to try to remember their old lives.[00:29:37] You know, they, they're looking for old pictures, they're looking for old trinkets, something, something as a reminder of the life that they once had. Right. But it's so small, it all fits in this little bit of little bitty box to, to remember, that's what it feels like. And then the process of starting over of building over again.[00:29:56] So I don't know, that's the visual. I'm super visual. That's the visual that I have.[00:30:01] Chris: dude, it's so powerful. Golly.[00:30:05] Crystal: good visual. And, um, because that is like bulldozer is kind of what I'm thinking of, like, like my life just came through and just. Um, but, you know, I think that is also one thing that does attract me to Curtis is like, even though like my life has been bulldozed over and like, my world has flipped upside down, um, My foundation and my roots and my faith are so deep and so strong and, and so are Curtis's and, and that is what attracts me to him so much is, is his, his faith in God and his steadfastness and his just like walking the journey through, um, and, and just looking to Jesus and knowing He's You know, and so that is like part of where I know we're going to build this together.[00:31:02] Um, but it's, yeah, yeah. Fire, tornado, bulldozer, whatever. We have pieces everywhere it feels like. And it's, um, you know, and when you are in this place where, um, we have children that that's their, that's their parent. And you. You have to pick up and gather those pieces and take them with you and patch this together, and we're just becoming the biggest, um, patchwork quilt ever of, um, of just, like, just God's goodness and restoration, um, when.[00:31:47] You know, the bulls are doles are comes through like it is, God is still a healer and a repair and, um, yeah, then it's still able to, to take two very, very Broken people right now, um, and, and create them into something new. And that's, I think what I see ahead for Curtis and I, like, I it's, we're already having it.[00:32:13] And, and this isn't like, this is hard, but this is also amazing too. Like we're, we're so lucky. We, we really are. I didn't know if I'd ever have this again then. So[00:32:29] Curtis: the other day. She, in fact, she says these profound quotes all the time. I have to write them down so I don't forget them. But we were, we were talking about, you know, the what ifs, what if we had never, what if we'd never done this podcast, Chris,[00:32:43] Chris: it's wild, dude.[00:32:44] Curtis: you know, Crystal listens to a podcast that I didn't even want to do. Like, what if we'd never done it? You know, I know, I know God is so much bigger than that and his plans are so much bigger, but we were talking about the what ifs and Crystal said, man, isn't it so good To love rather than be lonely. Heh.[00:33:02] And I was like Yeah, so as hard as this is, there's still so much goodness that's coming out of this hard period of our life because it is so much better to love than be lonely. It really, really is. Uh, Crystal mentioned the kids just a minute ago. We have to learn how to honor, um, Brandon and Michael with the children because this is their parent, you know, that's never going to be different. And, um, you know, I've talked on previous episodes about Michael's phone and how important it has been throughout her life, through the kid's life, through my life and, and, uh, every once in a while I'll plug it in and charge it up and, and, um, This week I had the kids for several days and Michael's phone had been charged.[00:34:01] And, um, Quinn came in last night and she kind of disappeared for a couple hours. And so I went and checked on her and she'd been sitting there for like two hours, scrolling through mom's pictures. When I went in to wake her up this morning for school, she had mom's worship playlist playing and, um, it wasn't sad for her. I think it was this connection of, I get to still be connected to mom somehow. And, um, so not only are we building a new relationship, a new home per se, there's these pieces that we have to keep going and we have to keep alive. Um, and so it's a whole nother level of, um, commitment to each other, commitment to the kids, commitment to the past.[00:35:02] It's, it is an extra piece. We don't want to forget that. We'll never forget that. We'll always try to, um, talk about mom, talk about Brandon, um, keep memories alive. Uh, Crystal could talk to this, but the girls, you know, they use Brandon's phone all the time. That's kind of their phone now. And there's tons of videos on it and pictures, and they're always showing me cute little videos of when they were little kids.[00:35:29] And, And it's, it's, it's just this neat thing that we do, but it's Brandon's phone, you know, and so we're both doing this thing. It will get easier, but it is still part of the process.[00:35:44] Crystal: And this is. I mean, this didn't just happen, like, I'm approaching two years, and Curtis is already at that two year mark, and we're still having just really hard things, um, yeah, like, um, just yesterday, for the girls and I, we were Honestly, joking in the kitchen of, uh, just inside jokes of dad's and, you know, we were all laughing and just remembering, remembering dad a lot.[00:36:22] And then, yeah, my daughter Olivia was like, mom, I just had the biggest grief burst at school today. And, you know, I mean, it's, we're all still grieving. Our kids are. Curtis and I are, and, and it is, um, some of it is bringing, like Curtis and I learning, like I'm learning who Michael was and what were the funny things, tell me the inside jokes, bring me in on the inside jokes so that I can be a part of it.[00:36:48] And, and same with, with Curtis, because yeah, when you, when you lose that person, like you lose that, like all your inside jokes go away. And that's just something like. I didn't think about, you know, like something where you're like, it happens and you're laughing by yourself and, um, yeah, so it's, it is definitely a part of, of the building process is us really, really learning each other's spouses and, um, and keeping them.[00:37:29] A part of our family unit as, as much as we possibly can. Cause it's, it's not like for me, it's not like I love Michael. Oh my goodness. If, if she, she would be my bud. Like, so like it is, it's a matter of us just learning who we are married to and, and loving them as though they're a part of our family because like they are now, [00:37:54] Chris: Let me ask you guys a question, because, Curtis, you said something I want to go back to. You paused, and then you said, It won't be this hard forever. And I think we all know in life, to choose your heart, right? It's there's either the heart of. Staying sick and tired and not fit right and having no energy or the heart of the excruciating work up front of getting to the gym, disciplining yourself nutritionally and all the things.[00:38:25] Right? And so when it comes to what you guys are experiencing, you can't choose to have your spouses back. But what you're both choosing to do is you're both choosing to To step into or run to the hard of rebuilding of a new relationship. And you don't know how long it's going to be until it gets easier.[00:38:51] But again, just take me back to this entire decision to be together anyway. I mean, goodness, man, like we're talking about some very heavy, hard things. You guys are doing the work. You guys are doing the work.[00:39:08] Curtis: But it had to start with a miracle because neither one of us were interested. We weren't, we weren't really interested in each other. We weren't interested in dating. That was a, that was a God thing. God, God swept over the two of us. His spirit swept over the two of us. It was such a, you know, I've had a lot of God moments in my life and I've tracked them.[00:39:28] I've written about them. I've spoken about them, but it was a God moment. It will forever be a God moment the day that God swept over the two of us and we Could not deny it like it was it was a work of God. And so it started with this God moment And then it was like, okay, this is real. This is what God is intending for our lives.[00:39:51] Um, we already had so many similarities in our life and the things that we liked and, and enjoyed and were connected to and connected with. And so that part, that part was actually easy. Just our characters, who we are, you know, and our characteristics, they were already drawn to each other, right? We had a strong friendship.[00:40:11] But, but the moment that God. Came over us even when we've had these many doubts and they've been short and few But even in those first moments before engagement after engagement We could both say but remember that day that God swept over us and we're like it's undeniable We can do the hard work because it started on the foundation of a work of God And so, um, and then I would say it is getting easier, Chris, we're talking about hard things and I don't want people to be down and depressed.[00:40:43] I mean, God has given the two of us together and it's, it's, um, it really is amazing. It's not, it's, it's hard work. Um, But it's good. And, and I, let me give you an example of, of how it is getting easier. Little by little, week by week, um, you know, Michael's clothes and her things have been in that closet and in her drawers for over two years now, and little by little, the girls have been coming in and, you know, almost, now it's not as, Hard now it's almost like shopping.[00:41:12] They're going to, they're going shopping to mom's closet, you know? And so Quinn's 12, she's, she's same size as mom and she's going in and she's, she's taking clothes. And the other day her and I, we, we haven't gone hard at it, but we went hard. We went through drawer after drawer and started looking through what fits, what Ella might want.[00:41:32] Ella's taking quite a bit of stuff as well. And, um, It wasn't as hard. It wasn't as hard as it would have been a six weeks, six months ago. It's not as hard as it would have been a year ago. Crystal was over the other day and she goes, she goes, babe, I'm about to go shopping because some of Michael's skirts are cute.[00:41:52] Chris: Oh, dude, that is hilarious. Oh my goodness. That is hilarious.[00:42:00] Curtis: followed it up with. Yeah, that might be a little bit of trigger, but are triggering. And I was like, yeah, I don't know.[00:42:07] Crystal: Yeah, so I was like, well, just fast.[00:42:10] Chris: Dude. Oh my goodness.[00:42:12] Curtis: you know, there's, it's getting easier. It's getting, you know, and, and Michael would think that's hilarious. Like that's, you know, she would, she'd giggle at that, but the fact that.[00:42:23] Chris: man.[00:42:23] Curtis: You know, Quinn walked into the gym the other day, her and I went to a ball game and, uh, she had been shopping in mom's closet and she had her Buckeye shirt on and she had one of her mom's hats on.[00:42:35] And one of the moms just ran up to me and went, Oh my word. Quinn looks just like Michael. And I was like, well, she's kind of been shopping in Michael's Michael's closet too, and she's like, no wonder she walked through the door. And I thought there's Michael. So anyways. I don't know. It's our life. It's, it's what we're working through and figuring it out.[00:42:59] But,[00:43:00] Chris: Yeah.[00:43:01] Curtis: I did wear one of Brandon's ties recently to a gig. Yeah,[00:43:05] Chris: Did you guys that's crazy like that For for us far removed from grief. We're just like whoa, I cannot imagine[00:43:15] Curtis: Yeah, cause I was like, I don't really like these. And she says, well, try one of these.[00:43:20] Chris: Oh my gosh[00:43:21] Crystal: was a big moment, um, that we were going to watch the girls and, you know, and I, I actually was kind of like, thank you for doing that. I feel like you're bringing a piece of Brandon here. Cause Brandon wouldn't have missed it. And so, yeah, [00:43:40] Chris: That's man. That's so cool though guys I'm going to ask a question for those who are listening because they're invested in your stories, but they haven't lost a spouse. Because I know that you both have talked about how difficult it is to think about the dreams and the visions and all the things that you had with your individual spouses that have now passed and how those, those dreams are gone. It could be very heavy to talk about how hard that is. But there's also kind of a glass half full here. And that is that you all have a perspective. About dreams and visions and being with your spouse that we don't if we haven't lost a spouse. And so I would just ask, what advice do you have for couples who are together and maybe not being as intentional right now?[00:44:36] Uh, just kind of like expecting nothing's going to happen. Everything's going to be fine. Yeah.[00:44:45] Crystal: Love hard.[00:44:47] Curtis: Love hard.[00:44:48] Crystal: I mean, don't let a day go by where you are not loving to your fullest. That would be, um, yeah, cause you, you really don't know what tomorrow brings and you don't know how many days you have and, um, every day is important to love hard.[00:45:14] Curtis: Yeah. Loving hard means wanting the best for each other. So loving hard means you push the dream. You know, it's one thing to have your own dreams, but loving hard means, you know, one of the, one of the, the best things that I ever got to experience with Michael was watching her literally blossom. where it was like setting a butterfly free and seeing how talented and gifted she was because she had the freedom to do it.[00:45:44] And then not only to give her space to become something more, but then to figure out what that dream or what that thing was and then come alongside of it and make it even better. And so learning that when married to Michael, It gives me motivation. It also gives me a practical sense in knowing I can still do that.[00:46:11] And, and Crystal's the same way. The problem is we just don't know what the dreams are yet. And so she, she asks me almost weekly, what are our dreams? What are we going to do? Let's start dreaming. You know, what are we going to do when the kids are gone? And I'm like, which time or, or, you know, What do vacations look like for you? I like to do this. You like to do this. What does, you know, sitting at home look like? And so we're, we're exploring all those things. We're doing two things. One, we're trying to figure out each other. What, what do we love? What had we loved? What, what did life used to look like?[00:46:56] And what parts of those things can we keep alive in each other? Cause we're not, we're not trying to squash each other's pasts. We're trying to figure out what was really important from your past and what was really important from your past and how can we bring those together and then have a layer of our dreams, our passions, the things that we're going to do together.[00:47:21] So it's a little bit bigger of a ball, meaning you've got, what did we love about our past? And then how are we going to incorporate that into, you know, what we want for our, for each other. And I think that's where we're at right now is we're just not, we're not over the hump. We're still trying to learn each other, learn what we loved, learn what we were passionate about.[00:47:46] And remember, we started this episode with, we're not the same people. So those things don't even quite feel the same right now like my past loves. I don't know I don't even know if I love those anymore and and her past love, you know, I mean, so there's we pray this for each other I mean almost nightly I would say almost nightly we pray God heal our minds heal our emotions Heal us spiritually like we pray that over each other constantly that the Lord would would really begin to heal us inwardly our emotions our minds our thoughts so that we can be a Better version of who we are it may not be the same version.[00:48:32] It might be a different version which I'm trying to tie these two together, which means our dreams and our past don't quite mesh yet Because we're not a healed version of each other yet and so it's one step at a time and right now I think it's a step of healing Lord help us to understand and help each other heal and We are still grieving buddies.[00:48:54] We really are like we're still grieving buddies Just kind of crystal had this really great image of sometimes she's pulling the cart. Sometimes I'm pulling the cart But there will come a day when we're both pulling the same cart and it's going to be okay.[00:49:11] Chris: Yeah.[00:49:11] Curtis: don't know if that helps.[00:49:12] Chris: No, I think that advice is applicable to anybody. Like you, you gave an incredible set of questions for people to ask, even if they still have their spouse. Right. Like I'm thinking of the guy who is, you know, just kind of coming home from work and scrolling his phone and, you know, just kind of like living life, not expecting anything to happen.[00:49:34] But what you talked about is watching Michael bloom and, and like really, really leading her and creating those opportunities and encouraging her, you Crystal, what about you, uh, when it comes to. When it comes to just how, how Brandon led you and how you would hope that other people would step up and lead their wives, uh, knowing what you all know now.[00:49:58] Yeah.[00:50:02] Crystal: Brandon was an amazing leader. Um, he, he really was like, we just. Him and I, like our relationship was so, it was so easy. We, I mean, we had been together a long time and we just knew each other so well. And, um, and he loved me so intentionally, um, continuously. And, um, And I recognized it, um, and, and knew it, but I also, I don't think I, I don't think I like showered over him with like thankfulness as much as I wish I would have, um, knowing what I know now.[00:50:55] Um, but yeah, no, he, he was a really strong leader in, in our home. And, um, But did it very gently. Um, like he wasn't forceful or bossy or, you know, he, he was the type of leader that he was so kind and loving and compassionate that he made you want to follow him. And, and that's kind of like how we've, he just guided our family.[00:51:30] And, um, Yeah, I was talking with Curtis about this, actually, not that long ago about how, um, you know, cause I, I'm the widow and, and he was the leader of our family and I all of a sudden got put in that role unwillingly, you know, just by circumstance and, um, and it's been. Um, you know, a lot of, a lot of how I've moved forward and, and continued on is I continuously am like, what would Brandon do right now?[00:52:12] And I make decisions based on how well I knew him and, and what I think he would have done. Um, because that, what he instilled in me is still there. And I just try to. Think about him and think about how, how he led. Um, and I make a lot of decisions honestly, based on, on how he would lead. Um, but with what Curtis was saying earlier too, on, on the healing process, um, that's a lot of what Curtis and I's relationship now that we're, we've, even when we were in the friendship space, just talking about our spouses was so helpful and talking about, um, with someone that genuinely had also been experiencing all of very similar emotions as you of like, you know, physical pains, um, and, and then emotional pains too.[00:53:13] Um, we both had walked through that together. So we, we actually have been in this space of like, we're speeding up our healing, which is really wonderful. Um, like I feel like I am. So different since Curtis has come into my life. Like I'm, it's, it's speeding up my healing, but it's also, um, impacting my grieving differently too.[00:53:39] And I'm having like, I'll take deeper dives with grief because things will trigger, um, that probably wouldn't have been triggered. Had I just been plugging along without Curtis in my life, but having a different relationship in your life triggers your grief in a different way. Um, And so we'll, I'll hit deep, deep spaces of, of hard triggers and, and then heal through it a little quicker.[00:54:06] So, um, like you were talking about with the, with the gym, you know, like it's, it is that like, You know, you're working hard and you have the pain while you're working through it, but you can see the reward. And that is, I feel like that a little bit. I don't know if you do Curtis, but I definitely feel like I am working through some really, really immense, painful grief with Curtis, um, and healing with him too, which, you know, when we fast forward years down the road, like that's going to be amazing. We're, we're lucky that we're healing together.[00:54:44] Chris: let me ask you this crystal. You said something, you said Brandon was the leader. And now that Brandon is gone, you have to ask yourself, what would Brandon do? You guys are about to get married So that's a dynamic, right? I mean, my goodness, when, when you both say I do, how is this different for a griever?[00:55:07] Because obviously for like anyone else who gets married after separation, it's like, well, I'm the leader, you are my wife and this is God's design. Is it different? I mean, do you, are you excited about being able to now say like Curtis lead us and, and not having, you know, To feel like you need to think about what Brandon would do.[00:55:27] I'd love, I'd love your take on that. Cause I think it's real.[00:55:30] Curtis: It is real. We talk[00:55:34] Crystal: I know. I'm just good. I'm, I'm totally going to say it, Curtis, what I told you, because we, we've talked about this, you know, we've talked about, um, the leader that Brandon was. And, um, And everything, so I said, does Curtis, I'm like, don't screw it up.[00:55:53] Chris: I mean, tell us how you really[00:55:57] Crystal: Um, right. Yeah. And I was like, I'm just joking. And yeah, but I mean, we've, yeah, we have talked about that of like, you know, just the type of leader Brandon was and, and how he was that person that you just wanted to follow and, and he. Did things, you know, for me just to love me, like little things continuously.[00:56:23] Um, he, he just really, really cared for me really well. And, and, you know, I honestly, I would hope every husband would do that. And that is one of the reasons I am so honest with Curtis, cause I'm like, you know, like Curtis is a different person. Our relationship is different. But I want to be loved well, and I want him to love me well, and, um, and every wife wants to be loved well, and, and so[00:56:55] Chris: Do you feel like you, you know, I always come with the hard questions. Do you feel like you're ready to hand that over to Curtis and[00:57:05] Crystal: for him to lead, yeah, absolutely, um, I'm actually excited about that, um, of, I'm excited to have another man in, in my life, um, to, to, to, to, to, Yeah, to, to be the man and to have that, that leadership. Yeah. Yeah. And it's,[00:57:35] Chris: have something to say about this too, man. I mean,[00:57:37] Crystal: he's smirking over[00:57:38] Chris: guys, this is so real though. Like I, I so appreciate you being real about this crystal. Like you both are so real. And so you guys said, you talk about this. This is so helpful and practical for other people who are going to be going through it too.[00:57:53] Like is crystal ready to submit to Curtis as her husband, like her husband. Now, as you both get married. And how does Curtis feel about Crystal feeling like what would Brandon do right now? I mean, yeah, just[00:58:07] Curtis: Well, that's[00:58:07] Crystal: Well, oh, I'm[00:58:08] Curtis: it up earlier. I said, you know, there is this, there is this little bit of mental struggle because we are so open about our spouses. I know how Brandon treated her. I know I'm learning more and more of what our expectations are. And the beauty is, as I told her, you know, a long time ago, when we first started dating that I felt like Michael prepared me for you because, uh, Michael was feisty.[00:58:31] You know, she knew what she wanted. She knew what she had and didn't want, and then she had gotten very specific on what she wanted. So she told me, I want, I want it this way and I want things this way. And, you know, everything was very, you know, they're, they're way different in that way. But yet their expectation of what they need and how they want to be loved.[00:58:55] I think the two of them are. Very verbal and on point and and know they know how they want to be loved and how they need to be loved It's not a want it's a need and so for us guys and I would just share this with anybody who's married or dating or whatever is Pay attention Pay attention because you know guys are wired a certain way and I've had a lot of years to Rework and rewire how I pay attention and how I see the need and meet the need.[00:59:30] And, and, um, will I be this, will I be Brandon? I won't, I'm not Brandon, but can I pay attention? Can I listen? Can I try to understand the things that she needs? And, and, uh, I know recently she said something like what you said, uh, hurt my feelings. And I said, what do you mean? She said, you raised your voice at me.[00:59:51] I was like, That's not raising my voice. She was like, she was like, Oh boy. And I was like, okay, but, but that was good. I mean, she was very direct and said, Hey, that hurt my feelings. And I was like, huh. Okay. So, you know, it's this, I think for us guys, it's, you should never stop learning how to love ever. I think it's just a continual process and constantly paying attention.[01:00:21] Something crystal does that. I didn't know I needed, but she's very complimentary. She's constantly complimenting me. And, and, um, I don't know that I ever knew that I needed that, but I need it. I love it. It's something that, um, I'm sometimes I'll be like, uh, thank you. Cause I don't quite know how to respond.[01:00:45] I'm not used to, you know what I mean? It's just, but it's a good thing. And so I'm even learning how to respond to the way that she loves me. And so, yeah, it's, it's, it's all good guys. It's all good. It's um, it's work. You know, I don't want to continue to call it hard. It's just it's work We're learning new things and learning to work through this.[01:01:10] Um, and we'll we'll get dreams of our own I know it'll happen I think we're both feeling a little frustrated because we are about to get married And I think the two of us are like maybe we should be farther along But then we have to take a deep breath and be like, oh my word. We've come so far She just mentioned that we're helping each other heal and we really are We, when we stop and actually look at where we were six months ago, we've come so far, and so I know we want to get there faster and we want to get over some of these humps quicker, but in due time, we just have to keep walking and letting God show and letting God share and help us know what the next steps are, but, but we're going to get there.[01:01:52] Chris: Yeah Yeah,[01:02:02] Crystal: I mean, we already, in my opinion, are so much further than I've been with any relationship I've ever been in. Um, at this point we're, because we have like gone through so much and we are just barreling into like, deep, deep, deep connections.[01:02:22] Um, and, and we also are both coming from knowing what it's like to be married. And it's almost like we're, we're already throwing that layer onto our relationship because we're coming from having experienced marriage and, and the, the deep relationship that marriage brings. But we're also, we know what loss brings too.[01:02:52] And so we're, we're diving into love in a faster, deeper, more passionate way, I would say. Um, which I'm really grateful for to already be to this depth. Um, and we haven't even said I do yet. Um, Like we're, we're, we have a real depth, um, and respect and, um, love between us.[01:03:24] Curtis: Our pastor, our pastor did a marriage series at church recently, and he ended the service with the notebook of the couple dying together at the same time. And we're like, Oh my word. But the funny thing is, is her and I have talked about that. Like. Our hearts can't take this again like god, you're just gonna have to take us both because you know There is another level of depth Um, i'm just reiterating what she said.[01:03:52] There is another layer of depth like like it is Deep love it really really is and we're learning So much about each other and and how to love each other. Well, but it's it's it's so much deeper and and uh, yeah we we We don't want to have to experience this again. So we're, we're making a deal with God saying the next time, hopefully way down the road, we want to die like that.[01:04:17] I know that's terrible to say, but it's true. Those are just like, you know, when you, when you love this hard and this, well, you, yeah,[01:04:28] Crystal: Yeah. And I mean, and it's, it shows where we really truly are still healing from the, the trauma of us experiencing the death. And, and I don't know if, if it's this way for everyone that goes through grief, but Curtis and I, we both. essentially didn't have time to prepare for this. Like it happened suddenly for both of us.[01:04:51] And, um, so with that comes a level of, of trauma and, and shock, um, that you also have to heal through and, um, yeah. So I'm way sensitive to. So I'm like, I don't think I can handle it right now. So God, you just need to take us both or bring on some more healing.[01:05:19] Curtis: you should ask, ask Crystal about her trigger the other day. It was bad.[01:05:24] Chris: Oh, well, hang on before, before, before I do that, I feel like this episode is heavy, like very heavy and we've been able to lighten it up a little bit,[01:05:35] Curtis: Okay. All right.[01:05:36] Chris: but I feel like what would be more advantageous is asking you guys this question. This question popped in my head. It doesn't have to be the perfect answer, but I'll be interested to ask you again after you've been married for a certain amount of time. How do you think being grievers is going to serve you moving into your marriage with each other? Curtis, go ahead.[01:06:06] Curtis: Well, there's a heightened sense of sensitivity, like our senses are very much heightened. because there's this new level of kind of paying attention to, um, what we say, how we say it. Our, our level of, our level of love is so much deeper because we're working so hard at helping each other heal. So when you put that much effort into just the healing process, the love almost seems easier. I don't know if that makes sense. Like. She wants to see me better. I want to see her better. We pray over each other.[01:06:51] We help each other. We listen to each other constantly. Um, we're listening to her. She's really good at, um, knowing if I've, if I've hit a bump, she'll say, Hey, you're not yourself today. I'll say, yeah. How's that? She said, you're not. And then she'll say, Hey, what's today's date on your calendar? I'll say. And I'll look on my word.[01:07:16] It's the day Michael went into the hospital and she was like, that's the level of paying attention as a griever to what the other person's going through. That's impactful. And so when you're that sensitive and you're paying that close attention, You're going to, you're going to learn to love so much deeper and better and stronger.[01:07:39] And so I think that's the best way I can describe where that love comes from and where it goes when you become that sensitive to each other.[01:07:48] Chris: Crystal, what do you think?[01:07:52] Crystal: I definitely love differently. Like I, I almost love with such a depth, like every day could be my last day. Um, so it is, it's serious love. It's thick love. Like I'm very vocal. Like I am. Making sure he knows, um, that I love and adore him always. And, um, yeah, I mean, he just talked about it not too long ago about the complimentary thing.[01:08:31] And I'm just, I'm just trying to, to live every day of him knowing. How thankful I am for him and, and how much I do love him.[01:08:42] Curtis: The flip side of of that coin is there's an anxiety level that also comes with loving so deep and having lost a loved one. And so That's something we both have to be really sensitive and aware of within each other.[01:08:58] And it's, it's actually caused some tremendous triggers because of what we've been through and how much we love each other. And, um, Crystal, just the other morning, I mean, literally, I don't know, a week ago, a week and a half ago, um, couldn't get ahold of me. Do you want to tell them about it, Crystal?[01:09:17] Crystal: yeah, I didn't know why I couldn't get ahold of you and, you know, Curtis is the person that answers his phone in meetings and is like, Hey, can I call you back? I mean, every time I call him, he answers almost always and, or I immediately get a text that, um, I can't talk, um, blah, blah, blah. Um, and so after. I don't even know, hour and a half of trying to get a hold of him at a time when I knew he was available. And, um, and it was in the morning. And so after like an hour and a half, I just started getting like in fast mode, ready to just drive to his house. And, um, because I knew that's where he was and I didn't know. Why he wasn't answering, and then he, just as I'm grabbing my keys to leave, he, um, called me back and was like, I'm so sorry, I fell asleep, and he had a pillow over his head and didn't hear his phone, and, um, but as soon as he, um, as soon as he stopped that fear that was starting to build in me, um, It was like the floor dropped out and, um, I, because I knew he was okay.[01:10:53] Um, and then the height of the buildup of what I thought I was maybe going to experience again, the floor dropped out from that and I, oh, it, it destroyed me for the day, um, maybe even the week, um, of just. you know, recognizing I don't want to go through that again. And, um, you know, and it, it also made me see like how much, like how important he is to me.[01:11:28] Um, and you know, in the, the girls were aware that I couldn't get a hold of him either. And they were, um, you know, we all talked about that together of, um, Like they were devastated at the thought of, is something wrong with Curtis? Um, you know, it, it impacted my entire, like the girls and I all was,[01:11:56] Chris: Yeah.[01:11:57] Crystal: yeah, it[01:11:57] Curtis: So that's the sense of heightened sensitivity. You know, it's a two edged sword. It goes both ways. You know, you, you love deeper, but you, you anguish deeper too. And, uh, the other night, you know, she was getting ready to go home and we almost had a little squat squabble over, you know, her going home on a snowy road.[01:12:17] And she was like, I grew up in Northern Ohio. I know how to drive in the snow. I'm like, Oh,[01:12:24] Chris: Right. I love it.[01:12:25] Curtis: But, but there's an anxiousness like, okay, but call me as soon as you get home. You know what I mean? So we're both experience a experiencing a heightened level of anxiety in a new relationship as well. Uh, and so to recognize that and to talk it out and, and help each other through that, because yeah, I lost her for a whole day.[01:12:46] She was just crushed. Um, and I was like, Oh boy, I gotta make sure I never let that happen again. Cause I don't want her to have to experience that. And, uh, yeah, I hadn't slept well all night and, um, it's, it's early in the morning and I was like so mad and I covered my head with my pillow and made everything dark and try to get a couple more hours of sleep and yeah, it was like, cause I get up at, you know, pretty early.[01:13:10] So we, we have kind of set times when we talk to each other every morning and, um, You know, which is about six 30 and by eight o'clock, you know, I finally pulled the pillow off and I look over my phone had been ringing for hours. And I'm like, Oh no. And you know, and yeah, she, yeah, it was rough. That was a tough spot. [01:13:30] Chris: Thank you for sharing that. it's really powerful for everyone to understand where you guys are at and like, there are good, there are bad, there's healing, there are identity shifts, there are so many things that come with grief that you guys are experiencing and And you're able to share that in real time right now, because you guys aren't on the other end of this yet.[01:13:49] Like you mentioned, it is getting easier, but you're taking it day by day. Sometimes she's pulling the cart. Sometimes you're pulling the cart. I would love? Because Crystal, you were drawn to Curtis because he ended one of our episodes praying over what you felt like was your exact situation.[01:14:09] And so you know what I would love to end this episode, guys? If you would both. Curtis you pray for the man you pray for the woman and we'll end this episode guys[01:14:24] Crystal: yeah. God, we just come before you today. Um, Just needing you, um, open to your direction and open to your pathway, and God, I just, I just pray for just the widow's heart that you just bring about healing and restoration. God, I just, um, Just pray for your love to pour over them. I pray for them to know that they're enough and that they're loved greatly by you. God, I just pray healing through the brokenness. God, I just pray just an openness to love, um, in a new way. Um, in a new relationship, whether that's a, a new friendship or, or a new dating relationship, I just pray for, um, just your guided direction, um, just all of the green lights, I pray that they have clarity and affirmation, um, and that they, um, just feel safe in the new relationship that you're bringing. God, I just pray for, um, just healing and, um, just a sensitivity through all of the steps of dating.[01:16:04] Curtis: Lord, as I stand here this morning, I can't help but think of, um, the four funerals that, that Crystal attended in the last four weeks. I can't help but think of the men who I've been chatting with or having breakfast with. Lord, you know their names and, um, or if they're listening right now, Lord, I pray that you would, oh man, do a work in their hearts. Lord, I know they struggle and I know what they go through and I know the loneliness that they experience. But Lord, I also know that you are the ultimate comforter and that you can supplier every need and you not only promise that, but you have shown over and over and over that you fulfill that.[01:17:00] And so Lord, I pray for these guys right now, these guys that have lost their wives, wives that they adored, wives that they wish they could have back right now. But Lord, I ask that you would comfort them in a special way. And Lord, as you prepare their futures, whether it be friendships or whether it be another spouse, Lord, whatever, whatever it is, whatever's your will for their lives, Lord, I pray that you'd begin to reveal that to them.[01:17:35] Lord, comfort them, guide over them, give them purpose. Lord, I know in time of grief that, um, purpose is one of those words that we just don't quite grasp anymore. And so Lord, I pray for purpose in their lives. I pray that you would give them ministry opportunities. I pray that you would give them people to, um, pray for and minister to.[01:17:59] Lord, I don't believe that you let any tragedy go to waste. I believe that you use the things that we go through, the hard things we go through, that we can, um, be a blessing and a help to somebody else. your word says to do that. And so, um, right now I just ask that you would help us to do that. Help these gentlemen to do that.[01:18:23] And ultimately the Lord, Lord continue to guide their each and every step along this path. Well, we are grateful for Chris. We thank you for how he has pushed us, um, to do this ministry. I thank you for the people that you continue to send our way, um, to share their stories and to be a blessing to somebody and to inspire somebody that, um, We can do this and that you are the ultimate comforter and you are our ultimate strength and you are our healer, Lord guide and direct and all that we do that we may bring honor and glory to you.[01:19:02] We ask this in your name. Amen.[01:19:04] Crystal: Amen.[01:19:08] Chris: Thank you [01:19:09] Hey, thanks so much for listening to the podcast, guys. Please head to rate this podcast.com/rtt to rate the podcast. And if you have not subscribed to our YouTube channel, please do so. And finally, third thing here. Finally, please check out the details behind the Michael Foundation in the link below.[01:19:28] We love your support on this foundation and helping families stuck in grief with financial expenses. Thanks again and we'll see you next time.